Flying The Flag: The Hanky Code
Wearing the wrong- (or right) coloured handkerchief can lead to hanky panky....
Among certain gay male communities in the 70s and 80s, an increasingly complex trend evolved by which the colour, pattern, fabric and placement of a handkerchief indicated what kind of hanky panky the wearer was into. Along with back-combing and suspending salads in aspic, this Hanky Code now largely seems to have sunk into the mists of time (time as it is being largely misty, with the occasional sunny spell and patches of drizzle). Itchy checks out how it worked
Bandanas, Tissues and Issues
For a start, you’ll need an extensive appreciation of colour. Studies have shown that women recognise and employ far more specific colour terms than men – describing items as ‘mauve’ or ‘aubergine’, say, rather than simply ‘purple’. The Hanky Code makes such fine distinctions as ‘gold’, ‘rust’ and ‘apricot’, and similar shades signal far-from-similar passions. Mix up your ‘fuscia’ and your ‘dark red’ and instead of a light spanking, you'll find yourself being used as a human hand puppet. Twice over. Ironically given its origins among men, the Hanky Code is far more perilous for blokes given their tendency to categorise colours broadly; if you have meat and two veg, you’re more likely to accidentally end up in a spit roast.
And therein lies problem number two. Hanky Codes tend to be most popular amongst the BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism/Submission and Masochism) community, and while some of the flags are innocent enough – a teddy bear or teddy print worn on the right signifies that you just want a cuddle, bless – many indicate participation in more extreme sports.
Whether it’s chubby chasing, bestiality, armpit fetishes or bulldog clips to the family jewels, there’s a hanky for pretty much every hankering. A Fresian print means you’re a cowboy into lactation and seeking someone to milk, while if you are ‘an orphan boy looking for daddy’, you gotta pick a pocket or two that is sprouting ‘Hunter green’ silk to find potential papas. Please Sir, can I have some more?
Shops still selling Hanky Code bandanas commonly give away free colour key charts, but Itchy worries that the potential to misread signals – and give the wrong signs out – is bigger than an oversized donkey's appendage (‘mustard’ on the left). Is that fair maiden oblivious to the piece of loo paper stuck to her heel, or does peach supersoft Kleenex on the left shoe in fact tell the world that she likes hirsute midgets in leatherette chaps to flagellate her with par-boiled leeks? Imagine the problems posed by weddings, Morris dances, high pollen counts and home improvement; if dear old Deirdre from next door whips out a Dulux shade strip and asks you what you think about a nice warm beige in her hallway, is she talking B&Q or S&M?
All considered, Itchy reckons that this sucker is one serious minefield. If you don’t want to unintentionally find yourself trussed up like a suckling pig with an apple in every orifice, or be plagued by a whole new world of involuntary kitchen nightmares involving ‘pork’ and ‘teabags’, then you better make damn sure what your hanky means before you leave the house.
