Dawn of the Dead
According to the movies, zombie holocausts are inevitable, provided we carry on experimenting with nature/ investigating strange artefacts from space/ wallow in our own smug hubris (delete where applicable). Here are some handy tips for dealing with an outbreak of pale, shuffling creatures on our streets...
Beef up
Lose the lard and put on muscle at one of the many gyms in the city centre. Lifestyles (Victoria Street) is an obvious place to start, along with the on-site gyms at the plethora of new hotels, such as the Radisson (Old Hall Street), the Marriott (Queens Square) and the Crowne Plaza (St. Nicolas Place).Arm yourself
But in reality, you'll need something a bit heavier for dealing with the un-dead hordes. Guns are a bit obvious and not terribly effective against lurching meanies, so best go to Rapid Hardware (Renshaw Street) to stock up on axes, chainsaws and other handy devices to ensure heads are removed from lifeless bodies in as bloody a way as possible.
More important is to get the right clothes for the job. The goth gear from Quiggins (Renshaw Street) is a no-no, as they're usually the first to die in these films. Much better would be Ellis Brigham (Bold Street), which has a nifty line in checked shirts, rugged boots and other hick accessories. Alternatively, try Raider's Vintage (Renshaw Street) to get that authentic 70s look for your zombie adventure.
Stocking up on food is also important. Home Bargain (Bold Street) is the best place for this, provided you're not at all fussy, but we'd advise you to head for Matta's (Bold Street) and stock up on much classier food from around the world. Variety is the spice of life, not un-life.
Loot loot loot
Once the world is sliding towards anarchy, a spot of looting would be in order. There are plenty of classy places to get some top grade stuff in the all-new Liverpool. Start with Vivienne Westwood (Cavern Designer Shopping), as you'll never be able to afford to go there otherwise, and the garish outfits might put off an advancing zombie. For food, chuck a bin through the window of Delifonseca (Stanley Street), for top quality cheese and meats. And why not jimmy open the new John Lewis (Liverpool One) for just about everything else, whilst contemplating the decadent irony of the world sliding towards ruin amongst consumerist iconography.
Last stand
Inevitably, you'll have to make your last stand somewhere. One recommendation would be the Hope & Anchor (Maryand Street), which has got lots of pool tables, quiz machines and other distractions, although it's not the best place to defend. Better would be Jalon's Bridewell (Campbell Street), which used to be a Victorian police station and suitably sturdy. This last place would also be a good place to hold out until help arrives, inevitably from gung-ho Americans who will as likely mistake you for the bad guys. Another good place would be the Williamson Tunnels (Smithdown Lane), which might finally have an actual purpose to them. But the point remains. How will anyone actually notice this zombie outbreak amongst the human refuse that regularly hang around Bargain Booze (Leece Street)?
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